The comparison between humans: What does it mean to you?
Good day to you all. Through these words, I will tell you about “comparison” and the harm it does to our lives. Our society through culture, leads us to comparison to the point where even brothers, become victims. I often listen to our parents who say: “look at your brother or your sister look at how well he / she is doing, you are disappointing us. We invest in you but you do not bear fruit …”
I think it is clumsy, bad in the sense that every human being has its particularity, even the twins have their particularity, as I said it before, everyone is unique in the world. So be yourself. Stephen Covey’s « The Cloth of Leaders » is a very enriching book. The author has described the comparison in the same perspective as I stated it above. In his book, he emphasized on the difference between the mindset of abundance and the mentality of scarcity. He showed that universities and companies tend to develop the mentality of scarcity while the latter makes us see everything from a win / lose perspective, so we believe that things are limited, that if someone has a part there will be less for oneself. People who nurture these thoughts find it difficult to enjoy the success of others because they think there will be less for them. They also think that resources are scarce. For them, when a friend gets an important distinction or success, their security and identity are threatened. They will congratulate him but deep down they will eat their hearts. They feel that something is being taken away from them because their security is based on comparison with others and not on their fidelity to laws and natural principles. If you think of life as a game of « zero addiction », you see things in a confrontational, competitive way, since any gain for someone other than you involves a loss. If you have been raised in an environment of limited love, constant comparison, you adopt a scenario of shortage and a dichotomous thought.
So I chose this demonstration because I find it usefull, because most of us, we live in the same context here in Togo. “A typical Togolese” (Not all) sees the success of his neighbour as his personal failure or personal end. Stephen Covey continues by proposing to develop the mindset of abundance because it has the principle win / win and that of communication. According to him, one must first try to understand then be understood. Their psychological satisfaction does not come from the victory or the failure of others or even from a competition with them. People who practice the mindset of abundance are not possessive, they do not force the natural process by requiring others to know where they are at all times. They do not base their security on the opinion of third parties. Because the mindset of abundance comes from an internal security and not external estimation, comparison, opinions, possession or relationships. It is therefore clear that the more principled we are, the more we develop an abundance mentality, the more we like to share power, profit and recognition the more we are truly happy with the success and achievements of others. I will add that the more we challenge ourselves by doing much better than yesterday, the less we will have time to compare ourselves to others. Many will say that it is not their fault that they have developed the mentality of scarcity but rather that of the environment. It’s not wrong, but personally I think that when the man realizes that he is suffering from an evil he takes resolutions to get rid of it, I myself was raised in a constant comparison environment but why did not I develop the mentality of scarcity? Perhaps because I personally do not dwell on the success of the other, I say to myself: he wanted it and he worked for it. Because I know myself enough, I know my skills, I know my worth and so I have nothing to prove to anyone and vice versa. A few days ago someone told me this:
” Hamdiya you are too singular, me I know you and I accept you but the others do not know you and they often tell me that piques the big head, you believe superior, you do not mix in the mass.”
I just answered:
“Do not mix apples and acai berry. I am me and I will not mix in the mass to please anyone.”
Ladies / Gentlemen do not try to please people, do not compare yourself to others, congratulate yourself, for every action taken. Enjoy every “second” that life offers you. You are not competing. Love yourself as you are. Know yourself, know your values and principles, put them into practice. But one thing remains fundamental, always rejoice in the happiness of others while giving you the time and means to reach yours.